:: heartattackmachine ::

:: Thursday, October 31, 2002 ::

yeats:

though john says that he was writing about ireland, I think there's a lot of wisdom here. and by lack of conviction, I do not mean apathy. I'm prepared to quote from wilde and personal experience.

:: judy nguyen 12:13 PM [+] ::
...

not that I'm a total conspiracy freak or anything:
hearing two girls in the photo lab discussing sensed dubiousness of senator wellstone's "accident" yesterday, I feel a little less crazy for my "wag the dog"-esque view of the recent sniper fiasco. I know john and I have talked about this, but I can't help the feeling that it all seemed somewhat slick. it came to such an abrupt end. I think that it's clear that public reaction would be what it was.* very few resources would have to be applied, and relatively few casualities would result. I'm only surprised that the muslim/sept. 11th card isn't being played harder.

---

*those with any doubt are suggested to see michael moore's new movie, bowling for columbine

:: judy nguyen 10:02 AM [+] ::
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oh and also friday night in new york at this pretentious seafood restaurant at e. 6th and a surrounded by crazies and presumably sheltered by john and kirk was my one first experience of being high in public. in short the shit was scared straight out of me and I swore I was going to get thrown out of there or given a talking to at any moment.
john also mentioned that it was probably the best weed I've taken in his presence.

:: judy nguyen 4:47 PM [+] ::
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taking the highest bidder:
earlier today I took a nice header into some pavement. the things highest up my list of concern are: the shit I will have to go through to get this broken tooth looked at, my stupid fucking scraped up knee, tomorrow's depth of field assignment, my sociology readings, and john's temperament (not that it's bad. he's doing fucking fantastic. I'm just concerned because well shit happened, and though I'm pretty calm, I'm concerned if he's not.).
the one high point of this whole ordeal (other than, perhaps, added character) is this prescription for vicodin. I don't know about anyone else, but I really have to be banged up to resort to painkillers.

:: judy nguyen 4:38 PM [+] ::
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recently I seem to be making friends

:: judy nguyen 11:50 AM [+] ::
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because sometimes you just get those ideas:
he stooped to caress nina's body. -cold as a corpse, he chuckled. -a corpse.
remembering something done often at some point and yet never previously been recalled, he remembered all those preschool 'science' books talking about how hot things grew cold. and I know this sounds funny, though often that phrase is exactly how it is read, but this isn't the case here. it wasn't until an introductory environmental science course (rocks for jocks) that he realized just occured.
it had been about five hours from now, and it was clearly not 98.6 degrees.

:: judy nguyen 5:34 PM [+] ::
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I've figured over the weekend that the first season of the young ones is my favorite television show of all time. we've only gotten to the first episode of the second season and it just strikes me as well... a sitcom.
beginning to feel bad that I confused kids in the hall with it.
and also, for all those who want to know, vyvyan is the one I would fuck.

:: judy nguyen 5:28 PM [+] ::
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where's my john?
the other night when we were talking about tattoos and how they suck if they aren't assigned meanings that transcend any specific reference and how you can't hide a tattoo if it's on your knuckles, I asked him if I had ever told him about the guy who came through a couple years ago who had jesus tattooed to his forehead. john seemed pretty impressed by that.
there was a poem but I couldn't recall it.

:: judy nguyen 6:12 PM [+] ::
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in 1996, more homicides occurred in st. louis (population 374,000) than in the entire nation of scotland (population 5,100,000) -- and scottish homicide levels are considered high by european standards.
(messner/rosenfield, crime and the american dream)

:: judy nguyen 7:59 AM [+] ::
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----- Original Message -----
From: judy nguyen
To: gounderground@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Monday, October 07, 2002 4:33 PM
Subject: Re: [gounderground] I got a kick out of this


ugh. I don't really want to worsen the vibe I'm picking up, but how many people did we kill, have we killed? and nonetheless there are more competent persons on "that" side to defend than dubya. there is a long history of looking at government policy far too subjectively. this mistake applies as well to liberal perspectives. such was made unfortuanately clear in the soviet experiment, and I'm not just talking about stalin. I don't have the authority to say that if significantly more objective leaders had been in power that socialism would have worked, but I'm almost certain things would've been far less tragic. I've suffered way too many headaches this past weekend with liberals who seem too far off the deep end when it comes to looking at what really works in the real (sorry) world. and I wasn't even the one arguing against them. mentalities vary to a great degree, and undermining this is fatal in accomplishing any revolution. the larger the revolution the larger the importance. somewhat tangentially, david sedaris once wrote that nearly all communists picture themselves as those carrying the clipboards. not a good idea. like it or not, brave new world (do not confuse this statement with 1984. there is not one utopian theory.) makes a lot of sense, and perhaps sadly, I'm not clear whether that is good or bad. josalee, I admit I have no idea where you stand politically, but I hope nevertheless you find value in at least some of the above. and I post this to the list because I find that it's important that everyone hear this. maybe I'm terribly wrong and didactic and all this was painfully obvious to everyone and by being a liberal we're naturally inclined to take things objectively and so I suck, but I've seen far too much that worries the shit out of me even when I feel I'm sure I shouldn't worry at all. to quote somehow who this weekend I realized was my favorite female singer songwriter (aimee mann): history shows but rarely shows it well
I know I didn't pay attention in high school history courses. though I do have to admit, they did suck.
also in preparation to anyone who says they lost someone that day, I'm sorry and I can't relate. I don't know if it's gross to say, but the only thing that bothered me as a direct response to the attacks is that my shithead of a brit friend, though he got his travel plans messed up, did not appear to put in effort into getting in touch with me. perhaps I'm too far on the other extreme, but it seems far less dangerous.
judy
----- Original Message -----
From: Josalee Thrift
To: gounderground@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Monday, October 07, 2002 12:07 PM
Subject: Re: [gounderground] I got a kick out of this


yeah, let's sympathize with the guy who's responsible for killing 2,000 americans and convince ourselves that it's OUR fault.

sounds like a GREAT idea.
----- Original Message -----
From: judy nguyen
To: gounderground@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Monday, October 07, 2002 11:41 AM
Subject: [gounderground] I got a kick out of this


only wish I was so clever: http://perceptions.diaryland.com/010927_61.html

:: judy nguyen 1:44 PM [+] ::
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I- love the things you say but I hate that they exist to be said.
-Yeah, I know what you mean
subhead: I hate the phoenix but I'll make this one concession
ted drozdowski, the phoenix, 10/4/02
Mann explains that the dark and stormy tales of Lost in Space, in which references to drug abuse and other compulsive behaviors abound, are more the result of her taste in reading that anything else. I'm really interested in the human brain, so for quite a while now I've been reading about the brain and psychiatry and everything in-between. I'm interested in people and how they work, and in general I'm interested in self-awareness. I go to therapy, and for me there's a big incentive in trying to be really self-aware. I want to act like a conscious person.
I'm trying to formulate my own unified-field theory about the human mind and human behavior. I believe that there's no difference between brain chemistry and human emotions. If you experience emotions, you'll experience a change in brain chemistry. I've read studies that prove childhood trauma triggers measurable changes in the brain. And I think the subconscious wants to tell the story, even if someone can't consciously tell the story. That's why somebody who was molested as a child will often act in a sexually inappropriate way -- become a sex addict or a prostitute, or be sexually avoidant.
Personally, I don't want to be somebody who acts from out of the subconscious. That's very out-of-control behavior. So that's why I do a lot of reading about addiction and brain trauma, and it really brings me to a greater understanding of other people. Even the more extreme cases of people who are drug addicts and have problems with compulsive behavior that seem inexplicable.

:: judy nguyen 9:38 AM [+] ::
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it's been tough the last couple of days, real tough:
at last night's aimee mann* show, the two seats to the left of us were empty for a real long time. midway through juliana hatfield's set, a middleaged man came and we stood up to let him through. after maybe ten minutes and he had settled in, tucking his coat into the empty seat, he offered that I could leave mines there also; his wife wouldn't be attending. I told him I didn't have a coat. I didn't say thank you and I didn't say okay and I wasn't really curt but I wish I had said more and the longer you wish
the more difficult it is.

---

*we're going to a signing this afternoon. I want to say something and there are things I could say. but I don't know.

:: judy nguyen 7:36 AM [+] ::
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a b- on my first exam of the semester. it's not bad. not really. he said that the average would be the cut off point between a c+ and a b- and I wasn't on the lower end of the b- spectrum. though it's a pretty narrow one. I didn't work that hard, it doesn't mean that much to me and yet somehow I expect more.

:: judy nguyen 7:20 AM [+] ::
...