:: heartattackmachine ::

:: Thursday, February 27, 2003 ::

I put myself up there for a hootie and the blowfish disc? whatever

:: judy nguyen 11:03 AM [+] ::
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I've been feeling tired.
I told david how I felt. I'm not sure I have before.
I think I might smell rotting, but it's probably in all my mind. it smells more medicinal really.
I mispronounce stupid words when I get nervous.

:: judy nguyen 8:29 PM [+] ::
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where is he? someone doesn't want to kill anymore time here.

:: judy nguyen 12:09 PM [+] ::
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question of the day:
do you think in english or do you just think? when you put things into words, is it translation?

:: judy nguyen 8:53 AM [+] ::
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prescription drug advertising is getting worse and worse.
at least now I know advair and netrium aren't anti-depressants. very weird.

:: judy nguyen 5:47 PM [+] ::
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I either just made a small mistake or a big leap. like a lot of things I say, it'd probably pain me to explain this to people uninvolved, but I'm probably wrong in that pain. at least a little.
in other news, I was checking out what loopbliss (check out those interests. "go alienated, twenty-first century, hipster, existentialist, liberal, rationalist intellectual, go!") considered memories. I'm little afraid to say, at least at the moment, that they struck me as telling and beautiful. (hey, to varying degrees?)

big moment: not a virgin anymore, toto: 2001-09-19 01:08:00:
lesson for tonight: sex sucks.
how do I know? I lost my technical virginity. big fucking whoop.
[katydid_14] 2001-09-19 12:35
you what?
[loopbliss] 2001-09-19 14:27^
I fucked. no?
[anonymous] 2001-10-11 09:24
it'll get better, babe.
[loopbliss] 2001-10-11 14:06^
you'll have to tell me who you are, babe.
I've had sex two or three times after that.

honest: one of the first few signs I’m human: 2001-08-13 17:49:00
When Keith offered, yesterday, to send me all his medicine I thought he meant it as a sort of romantic joke. I assumed what he was meaning to send was all of his wonderful wit and charm. Thoughtfully (but how much thought can be put in a joke), I offered that he could keep quite a bit of it in case he ever needed some himself. He thanked me. I told him to send only an 'eensy' bit. He told me he didn't think that would work. I asked why?
It seems that a certain wit and charm can be bottled these days.
Celexa, Keith tells me, is a combination of Prozac and Zoloft. Celexa, Keith tells me, is some antidepressant that apparently was prescribed to my boyfriend. I don't love Keith less. I just find it odd. I could sort out all my qualm and ire here, but I'd probably only end up distracted and confused. Besides it's probably nothing you haven't heard already.
Admittedly when Keith offereed to send me all his 'medicine,' I though it was somewhat out of character. It's a little too obvious.

punny girl: I’ll see you in heaven if you make the list: 2001-11-12 22:21:00
were you ever told the one about where the guy just croaks in the end? go ask bert russell.
sometimes we're all optimistic. and sometime you just miss the bus.

:: judy nguyen 4:15 PM [+] ::
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about passion, I always liked this. I can't attach a date to it offhand.
you felt bad about it afterwards. I can't be sure I ever made it clear.

:: judy nguyen 12:26 PM [+] ::
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the prospects of a spring break trip to san francisco is looking very good.
I don't know, but for some reason and in some way, I look toward meetings with individuals like ryan p. as a form of personal affirmation. even given the fact that when I look back on my own past, I wonder what is that? maybe my past is a product of my mind. but that is irresponsible because where I am now will be the past in a day, if not a few minutes.
they knew me before I was me. somehow.
in other news, call it total silliness, but I realized that a point of attraction within me is passion. even if it construes itself as passion for dispassion like it does now.

:: judy nguyen 7:25 PM [+] ::
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I wonder if lack of interest in public tragedies like this morning's is a sign of depression. I knew it was hard to give a fuck about 9/11 besides what I knew the fucking idiots were going to want to do. fuck it. I never actually managed to give a fuck. but watching john glued to the television down here and knowing his roommate did the same upstairs really makes me wonder.
and yet, a colder chill ran down my spine when I saw ryan not only refrain from applauding at orientation but appear entirely unaware at the applause of others. I stopped myself from my own bored machinations in search of an acknowledging response of recognition, but there wasn't.

:: judy nguyen 5:32 PM [+] ::
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