:: heartattackmachine ::

:: Tuesday, February 21, 2006 ::

so I know it's been a long long time but there's a reason to write here now rather than writing in my livejournal. and it's too bad that I'm still so stupid that I have to write in a public place, but the possibility that anyone might read this is too strong. I guess I need the collaboration.
but not on livejournal since I'd be read by exactly the one person I'm writing about now. and the fact is that it's really really hard.
I might see this person, t, tomorrow. I guess we've been contacting one another since I was in high school. but never really talking much until now. we met once over two years ago and made out with our clothes on shoes off (which has happened with only one other person and that person is negligable), but nothing after that. I've been reading his livejournal now and he just recently became in possession of a laptop so I guess that explains how we've started talking again now. and the fact is that it's really sort of nice. I relate a lot to what he writes about. frustration, self-doubt, general fucking anguish, though with a light of intelligent humor shining through it.
he has a girlfriend though he shouldn't have that one. they don't have sex. they don't have conversation. if I didn't know much better myself, I'd wonder what exactly they had.
and so I guess I could take him, take this, I guess, even with the girlfriend. but it's pretty big and scary.

I guess this is something I could get anxious about rather than the "date" I had on friday. and I know it wouldn't be a treacherous idea to have a cigarette before meeting up (if we do). we might even have a cigarette together.

meh.

:: judy nguyen 10:37 PM [+] ::
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